What comes to your mind when you hear that we’re going to have “a discussion on modesty”?
Perhaps you think, “Oh no! Another person is going to tell me how I should dress.” Or maybe you think, “Modesty is not a type of dress, it’s a principle.”
Do you recall a particular sermon that left you feeling sour and used? Or do you think of a really good sermon that you recommend to everyone?
Anymore, discussing modesty is almost like discussing music: we never get anywhere. People have their strong personal opinions and the focus isn’t so much on learning from each other as it is on convincing you that I’m right. But just like music, modesty is actually quite crucial to our lives, though not necessarily for the reason most people think.
If you come from conservative, the teaching on modesty is often approached as though it is a certain dress or style of clothing. The extreme example would be the cape dress or wearing long sleeves. Furthermore, modesty is taught as a part of holiness so the assumption is if you’re going to be holy you will wear the cape dress.
It has evolved extensively from this particular example, but that main idea still pervades much of our thought.
In recent years, however, there has been valuable teaching on modesty as a principle of humility. This teaching talks about how it’s possible to be immodest in our “modesty” and plainness. Powerful truths! Yet, a pattern I have seen coming from those that teach this is that people soon discard modest clothing. I don’t think anyone sharing this message would say that because modesty is a principle and not a particular style of dress means that modesty in dress doesn’t matter. But the subconscious, logical conclusion is that “If modesty isn’t a style of dress, but rather a principle, why should I have to dress a certain way?”
Therefore, when people hear this message they let go of any previous modesty in dress.
But what does modesty in dress mean? Maybe they think they are being modest?
And many are.
Two Clarifications about Modesty
Before we get much further in this discussion, there are two things I want to clarify and then two questions I’d like you to answer. Now, I have the luxury of talking at you because this is an article and you can’t interrupt what I’ve already written. But I really want to hear from you. I want this to be a discussion.
I have two main convictions that I will share with you at the end, but I’m not going to tell you how you should dress. I’m not going to tell you what modesty is. I’m going to ask some questions and share observations, but I think this should be a discussion that is open-minded, inclusive, relevant to my generation and the unique opportunities or temptations we face, and above all respectful. I expect to be disagreed with in some things I say, but I value what you have to say. So feel free to share, and my promise to you is that I will moderate comments so that you feel respected.
The first thing I want to clarify is that when we talk about modesty, it’s like talking about worship. What part of worship are we talking about? Worshipping through music? Worshipping through sharing testimonies? Worshipping through hearing the word of God or through prayer? Or a lifestyle of worship, which means my focus is centered on and consumed with Jesus. Worship is pretty vague. If we’re going to get specific we’re going to narrow it down to one of these particular areas.
Modesty is a principle, and it’s one that scripture refers to quite often: being sober-minded (1 Pet. 1:13-16), walking in humility (Eph. 4:1-2), and women are to have a meek and quiet spirit (1 Pet. 3:4). Scripture talks different places about not doing your works so that many see them and praise you, or not adorning or flaunting yourself. So this principle that we are to live with humility, not drawing attention to ourselves but reflecting the glory of God—this principle is biblical. But it touches many aspects of our lives. To discuss modesty is vague. So I am clarifying that we are looking at modesty in our dress.
Here’s the second thing I want to clarify. If you come from a background where your church leaders regulated what you were supposed to wear, it will probably be difficult for you to sort through some of the things we discuss without reacting from your past.
I don’t come from that background. Everything I believe about modesty I came to on my own. I was never told I could not wear that shirt. My Dad had preferences, and that is perfectly appropriate for fathers and their children. As children become adults, it changes—or should. But I do not believe that there is biblical basis for church leaders regulating what people wear. That is an add-on—one stemming from godly intentions. But might I suggest that to do such actually promotes future immodesty in dress because people react to such control.
I want to discuss modesty in dress, but I want to discuss it with you about our dress. Try not to let your past offenses cloud our discussion.
Two Important Questions about Modesty
Along with some of the questions I’ve already asked, such as “What is modesty?” I want to ask you two questions and then I’ll take the rest of the article to discuss them.
- Does modesty in dress matter? If so, why does it matter?
- Do you and I carry personal responsibility for dressing modestly?
I think much of the frustration felt about the traditional way of regulating modesty is that when we get specific about what clothing should look like, we are drifting from scripture. It’s not that clear in God’s Word what modesty in dress is supposed to look like, yet many times modesty in dress is made a spiritual issue.
If we were to simply go by how specific scripture gets about modesty in dress, I would suggest it doesn’t matter. But what if there is more to it than whether or not you can put a Bible verse behind it? And what if when we see the larger picture, we realize Scripture actually does address the greater issue quite a bit?
A significant component for sexual arousal in men is sight. I can’t find any hard stats on it, but I’d say it’s true for about 99% of men. That’s pretty common knowledge. I doubt any of you will disagree with me. Women should watch how they dress because we men are aroused visually, right?
Did you know one in three women are also sexually aroused by sight? Did you further know that pornography is not just a male issue—women struggle with it too?
I knew this from some of my own research, but was reminded again recently by an email I received from a counselor who works with women. She suggested that the reason these women don’t talk about it is because of the incredible shame that comes with it. It’s common for men to struggle this way (and we tend to shame them for it), but if a woman admits that she struggles that way, she receives all the more shame.
My point is not to discuss pornography, but simply to point out that if 99% of men and 33% of women are aroused visually, that means most of the world (roughly 55%) is sexually aroused by sight. What you do or do not wear sexually affects 55% of those walking around you.
Obviously, if you’re a guy it’s more like 33% of those walking around you, and if you’re a lady it’s 99%. But guys are not off the hook. A man should not require is wife to dress “modestly” if he is not also willing to dress “modestly” for the women around him.
I don’t think modesty in dress has to do with gaining spiritual brownie points as much as it has to do with guarding and protecting our sexuality. People will struggle with lustful thoughts if we are not appropriately clothed and it’s not because they have perverted minds. It’s physiological—the way God made them.
I suggest that modesty in dress matters because it’s the most important element in guarding sexuality because most of the world is aroused by sight. Not only does my modesty protect you from lustful thoughts, it protects me from being used for your sexual fulfillment (and vice versa).
Now I am not suggesting that as long as you dress modestly you will never be sexually violated. Sexual violation is just that—it’s a violation. Someone is using you for their own sexual fulfillment without your permission and with no regard for your personal well-being. It’s selfish, and it’s abuse. And you did nothing to deserve it.
Sexual violation exists because sin exists. Wearing longer clothes does not remove sin from the world.
But not everyone who struggles with lust are sexual perverts. Wearing modest clothes that protect and guard your physical body will help the rest of the world who might otherwise be aroused.
It is interesting to me that when Jesus heals the man possessed by a legion of demons in Luke 8, it says the town’s people came and saw him sitting with Jesus, fully clothed and in his right mind. There is a connection between freedom in Christ and being fully clothed. It doesn’t explain what type of clothes he wore, it simply says he was fully clothed.
Could being unclothed signify that one is not completely free in Christ?
I think modesty in dress matters, but I think it’s dangerous to spend more time regulating specific types of dress as opposed to getting to the heart of the issue.
You and I are personally responsible for bringing glory to God. Which means that when others look at us they should not be distracted by us, but rather they should see God and His glory.
Again, that’s fairly vague. But we know that flaunting wealth around is going to distract people. Flaunting our differentness from the rest of the world is also going to distract people if that differentness is not the result of an indwelling of the glory of God in our hearts. And as I’ve mentioned before, flaunting our sexuality also distracts people.
What I am concerned about is that I’m not sure my generation of American’s (Christian or unchristian) cares about our sexuality.
“If I want to dress this way, isn’t it okay?”
I wonder, sometimes, if we see the value and beauty of having reserved sexuality as both men and women. I’m talking specifically of the physical features that would arouse that 55% of the world’s population.
Paul exhorts us to flee sexual immorality. Then he asks the question, “Or don’t you know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you who you have from God?”
We house an awesome presence. That verse in 1 Corinthians is often quoted for various reasons, but do we realize the incredible responsibility that comes with such holiness abiding in our lives? Because of God’s Spirit within us, we receive God’s love (Ro. 5:5). But with that comes the call to protect our physical bodies.
We all agree that a lifestyle of McDonald’s diet is not good for your physical health. Yet, the Bible never says that. We learn that through physiological studies and personal experience. Could we also learn through physiology that modesty in dress matters?
And if it matters, you and I are personally responsible to do something about it. I don’t think pastors should go around regulating every inch of dress a lady wears. Neither should I demand my brother not wear what I am uncomfortable wearing, myself. But we really shouldn’t have to wait for pastors to come tapping our shoulders or brothers to express their concern. We should already have embraced that we are personally responsible for dressing modestly if I want to protect my own (and others) sexuality.
Apply that as you see fit in your particular context and as you listen to God. But I really believe it does matter and we are personally responsible.
Do you?
What are your answers to the questions? What is modesty? Does modesty in dress matter? If so, why? And are we personally responsible for dressing modesty? I’d love to hear from you! Share in the comments here.
